"How can I just kick her out of my bed? I'm the first kindness she's had in centuries."
"So it's pity sex," J.J. said.
I opened my mouth, closed it, and then tried to think instead of just denying it. I did feel sorry for Jade; who wouldn't?
Jason snuggled me closer. "I'm sorry, Anita."
I turned so that I was spooning against his body and could look at J.J. more. "Are you saying that my issue isn't having sex with a girl, but that Jade just doesn't match up with me in the bedroom?"
"If Jade were a boy, would you still be having sex with her, or would you have gotten frustrated and moved on?"
at one through and finally said, "I don't know."
J.J. looked at him, and he put his arm tighter around me, as if afraid I'd move away.
"And?" I asked, and even to me it sounded grumpy.
"Don't sound so hostile, Anita."
I think I frowned harder. "Just talk to me, Jason."
He moved his face enough so I could see him smile at me. "I've seen you kick men out of your bed that were great lovers, men you enjoyed having sex with, because some other part of their personality didn't match up with yours. I've never seen you be this patient or try this hard with any of the guys. I didn't realize how hard you've been working with Jade until today. I'm sorry that I thought it was just a sort of homophobia."
"I thought it was, too," I said.
"You'll never like women as much as you like men," J.J. said. "You like dick too much."
I half laughed. "J.J."
"It's so cute that you blush like that, but you don't need to be embarrassed that you like dick better than pussy. I love Jason, and Nathaniel is amazing, but I'll always love the girl parts better than the boy ones, and you'll always be the opposite; no harm in that."
I grinned at her and thought how perfect she was for Jason. I was so glad they'd found each other.
"You need to break up with Jade," she said.
The grin faded. "I'm all she's got."
"You're all she's got because you haven't made her find anyone else," Jason said.
"I don't know if she can take any more rejection."
Jason turned me in his arms, so I was looking up into his sincere and strangely serious eyes. "Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life trying to date someone you not only don't love, but that you actually don't enjoy having sex with? Come on, Anita, everyone else that you've passed over for regular lovers has found other people to date, or at least fuck."
"I feel guilty about them, too," I said.
"I know you do," he said, eyes still serious, but with a gentle smile to soften the edge of it.
"But why does she feel guilty?" J.J. asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Why do you feel guilty that you can't be in love with all of them, or fuck all of them? Why does that make you feel guilty?"
"They're tied to me metaphysically, some of them forever. They didn't ask to be tied to me, and I don't love them. I mean this really is until death do us part, and I don't love them."